{"id":5121,"date":"2021-01-23T15:49:30","date_gmt":"2021-01-23T15:49:30","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.mindspa.me\/?p=5121"},"modified":"2021-01-23T15:49:30","modified_gmt":"2021-01-23T15:49:30","slug":"how-to-tell-a-person-that-they-dont-smell-good","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mindspa-dev.ru\/en\/how-to-tell-a-person-that-they-dont-smell-good\/","title":{"rendered":"How to tell a person that they don\u2019t smell good."},"content":{"rendered":"
\"\"<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

You might think that this topic is a little funny, or perhaps not profound enough for a psychological article. But we decided to talk about it for two reasons.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

First, is it a burning subject. Many, almost all of us, encountered a situation where we experienced difficulties interacting because our counterpart didn\u2019t smell good. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Second, behind our hesitation to bring this up, there are some deep issues. Let\u2019s start with them. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why is it so difficult to just go ahead and say to another person: \u201cLook, you don\u2019t smell good\u201d<\/strong>?\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Because, in your mind, this may hurt or upset the other person. When you see them reacting this way, you are risking facing a lot of tension \u2013 both in communication and internally. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ability to withstand this kind of tension \u2013 when you tell someone something that is unpleasant for them, but that is necessary for your interaction \u2013 is a trait of a mature person. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

To simplify, you may think that when you are saying something unpleasant you are taking on the role of a horrible messenger bringing bad news. Nobody wants to be bad. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Besides the awkwardness that will definitely appear after your message, it is also not so easy to stomach it. It is like a micro-conflict. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

If everything that we just told you rings a bell, you may need to think about your strategy for dealing with conflicts. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Another reason why you may be avoiding at all costs telling someone about their bad smell is your fantasy that such information may hurt the person too much.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

In reality, it isn\u2019t so.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n

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If you are dealing with a mature and reasonable person, then such information, if presented tactfully, is not going to hurt them in any way. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Obviously, they will not be too happy about it, but they are not going to fall apart either. Look, we are not afraid to say, for example, \u201cthere is a stain on your jacket\u201d. All in all, the situations are very similar. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

You need to take away this fantasy of yours: why do I think that such information is going to upset someone way too much? Is this about me? How would I react to such a message? Or, perhaps, do I think that others are more fragile and are not able to handle this? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The third reason is that, perhaps, you are not distinguishing correctly personal boundaries. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Perhaps, you think that it is our duty to accept everyone as they are, in any sense. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

But it is quite different when you come to a person with the message \u201cI don\u2019t like how you dress\u201d \u2013 that would be indeed a blatant violation of personal boundaries. Another person\u2019s clothing cannot hurt you in any way. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

With the smell \u2013 it is a different story because it affects you. It is in the area of relationships. For example, if you are extra-sensitive, you can experience real difficulties. An unpleasant smell can make you feel nauseous. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Therefore, in this case, you are not trying to change someone to make them more convenient for you. No. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is an attempt to improve your interaction. Because, unfortunately, when a person smells bad, we cannot communicate with them properly.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

How can you phrase your request? <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

First, say it outright, without beating around bush, hinting, and apologizing 15 times. All of this may increase the tension and make the situation even worse. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Second, use an \u201cI\u201d message. \u201cYou know, it is difficult for me, because your natural smell is too intense for me.\u201d Or \u201cI am experiencing difficulties in our contact, because I am very sensitive to smells, and you are smelling too strongly for me.\u201d Or \u201cI wanted to bring up a delicate issue. Lately, it has been difficult for me to interact with you, because you are smelling too strongly for me. Sometimes people are not aware of this, so I wanted to bring this up to your attention.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

IMPORTANT!\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is likely that your counterpart will be confused at first or perhaps even a little upset. It is normal and it should go away quickly.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

If, on the other hand, your counterpart gets offended by your tactful message, you will have to accept, that, unfortunately, this person is not able to handle difficulties in communication. <\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

You might think that this topic is a little funny, or perhaps not profound enough for a psychological article. But we decided to talk about it for two reasons.   First, is it a burning subject. Many, almost all of us, encountered a situation where we experienced difficulties interacting because our counterpart didn\u2019t smell good.  Second, behind our hesitation to bring this up, there… Read More »How to tell a person that they don\u2019t smell good.<\/span><\/a><\/p>","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":5122,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"neve_meta_sidebar":"","neve_meta_container":"","neve_meta_enable_content_width":"","neve_meta_content_width":0,"neve_meta_title_alignment":"","neve_meta_author_avatar":"","neve_post_elements_order":"","neve_meta_disable_header":"","neve_meta_disable_footer":"","neve_meta_disable_title":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[146,475,550,883,1035,1317,1354],"class_list":["post-5121","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-mental-health","tag-bad-smell","tag-embarrassment","tag-fear","tag-mindspa","tag-personality","tag-smells","tag-stink"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mindspa-dev.ru\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5121","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mindspa-dev.ru\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mindspa-dev.ru\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mindspa-dev.ru\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mindspa-dev.ru\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5121"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/mindspa-dev.ru\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5121\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mindspa-dev.ru\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/5122"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mindspa-dev.ru\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5121"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mindspa-dev.ru\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5121"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mindspa-dev.ru\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5121"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}