{"id":5572,"date":"2021-04-15T11:37:34","date_gmt":"2021-04-15T11:37:34","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.mindspa.me\/?p=5572"},"modified":"2021-04-15T11:37:34","modified_gmt":"2021-04-15T11:37:34","slug":"blamestorming-my-mother-the-monster","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mindspa-dev.ru\/en\/blamestorming-my-mother-the-monster\/","title":{"rendered":"Blamestorming: My mother the monster"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"\"<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

\u201cHello.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

To begin with, I\u2019m having problems in my relationship with my mother. These problems are really affecting me. I have no confidence in myself. That is because back home I\u2019d often hear that I was a nobody, and no one wanted me. I\u2019m already 22. And at home, I hear insults that nobody\u2019s gonna want to marry me. And that once I do get married, I\u2019m gonna be abused. In addition to psychological abuse, physical is also not unheard of. I used to somehow be able to endure it. But there was an incident.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It was New Year\u2019s Eve or 2017 when mom, after getting drunk (she only used to have alcohol during celebrations), started beating me. She was beating me because I had gotten involved when adults were arguing. All the children started crying and I got involved and said that if they couldn\u2019t hold their alcohol, they shouldn\u2019t have any. After dad had left to take our relatives home, my little brother, mom, and I stayed. Mom was hitting me so hard she\u2019d backed me into a corner. She was literally spitting at me and started saying I was a bitch, a nobody etc. Then she told me to drop dead and she really was wishing it with utter loathing. She often wished me death, sometimes she\u2019d say \u201cyou should\u2019ve died when you tried to kill yourself\u201d. I\u2019ve been thinking a lot about these words ever since.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I used to blame myself. That I really was bad. I was beaten for not being able to make dumplings. I was told off for not tidying up quickly enough or wasting too slowly. That\u2019s been happening since I was a kid. My mom often says that a girl ought to be happy with her husband and not at home. And if her mother humiliates her — that\u2019s normal. Take it. I can\u2019t afford anything expensive, even though I have a job. But now, whenever I buy something, I think that I don\u2019t deserve it. I have been kicked out of the house. When I packed my things and tried to leave, I was beaten again and told \u201cWhat, do you have somewhere to go?\u201d And mom often tells me that she doesn\u2019t want to live in the same house with me. That she just pities me, because \u201cthere\u2019ll be gossip that you\u2019re a slut\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And father. He reacts like mother tells him. I wanted to tell him everything. And then mom says \u201cwhat, do you want us to get divorced?\u201d… am I a wanted kid? Yes, because mom couldn\u2019t have children for a long time\u2026 I already realized that it\u2019s not possible to fix the relationship\u2026\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Good day.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yes, you\u2019re right that you can\u2019t fix the family relationship (certainly not at this stage), and you can\u2019t fix your mom either.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019m very sorry that you\u2019ve had such a relationship with a loved one in your life. A mother is an important person for a child and a teenager, but occasionally the relationships can also be unhealthy like in this situation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Physical abuse and words about death are unacceptable in healthy relationships. It\u2019s a reason to protect yourself from mom and live away from her. Perhaps some communication is possible at a distance.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Unfortunately, you haven\u2019t included a question. So I\u2019ll give you a general response about what one must know in such situations.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You have to find a way to take care of yourself. And only you can do it.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

  1. You have to protect yourself from violence. Definitely stop living in those conditions, and it is possible not to communicate for some time.
    <\/li>
  2. Find an opportunity to go to a therapist and get rid of the pain and consequences of physical and moral abuse.
    <\/li>
  3. Think about what has supported you all these years? What\u2019s so important for you in this life that it helps you overcome these difficulties?
    <\/li>
  4. You write that there are a lot of bad things in your life. I agree. What you are describing are difficult circumstances. But it\u2019s important to remember the good. What is going well in your life? Maybe there are some favorite activities? Maybe something \u201cwarms\u201d you up from the inside? Consider the good things you have.
    <\/li>
  5. Physical abuse leaves its mark on a child. Growing up, this child often stays an unhappy adult. To work on yourself and to build your happiness, you should seek help.
    <\/li>
  6. In families where mothers say such terrible things, children adopt attitudes in their heads, keep them and then live with these attitudes. \u201cI am nobody, I don\u2019t deserve\u201d and so on can then become part of your thinking and will haunt you. This is also a case for seeing a therapist.
    <\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n

    If you\u2019ve asked me how to regain your mental health after such a family. I would\u2019ve given you this plan.
    <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n