{"id":8834,"date":"2021-10-02T19:07:37","date_gmt":"2021-10-02T19:07:37","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.mindspa.me\/?p=8834"},"modified":"2021-10-02T19:07:37","modified_gmt":"2021-10-02T19:07:37","slug":"filling-someones-shoes","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mindspa-dev.ru\/en\/filling-someones-shoes\/","title":{"rendered":"Filling someone\u2019s shoes"},"content":{"rendered":"
Mindspa is the #1 self-therapy app for your mental wellbeing. Safe, effective and easy to use!<\/b> Download it here<\/u><\/a><\/small><\/div>\n\n\n\n
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Every one of us may find themselves in a situation when we are \u201creplacing\u201d someone. In reality, we are not replacing anybody, of course, but we perceive it this way. We get appointed to positions that previously were held by other people, or start relationships with people who used to love someone else before us, or take on new jobs that we have not done before.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We may sense for a long time the ghosts of people who were there before us. We do not feel like the place is ours. So, what is happening with us under these circumstances?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The uncomfortable feeling of \u201ctaking someone\u2019s place\u201d may visit us if the person before us was quite successful.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We can\u2019t help but start comparing ourselves with our predecessors. We may feel the need to \u201cfill their shoes\u201d, to play by the rules established by them or vice-versa \u2013 to take a completely different approach trying to emphasize our differences. In any case, it becomes impossible to show our individuality. We act constrained, our options are limited, and we are wasting efforts on fighting with windmills.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We take a new position because we are confident that we deserve it. Then why do we doubt our capabilities so often? Why are we so often compelled to compare ourselves with our predecessors?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Andrew is a very capable military officer who is quite confident in his abilities. But recently, he was transferred to another division where his predecessor was a very successful leader. Andrew was overwhelmed with doubts: \u201cMy reports are expecting something from me! I realize that L. (the predecessor) was doing things quite differently \u2013 and this paralyzes me. I am not able to make the simplest of decisions \u2013 I try to guess what L. would have done in this situation. I feel that I am doing everything wrong, and everyone can see it\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Andrew got trapped in comparing himself with a successful leader who had this role before him, and this has thrown him off-balance.<\/p>\n\n\n

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Natalie tells us: \u201cI knew that his ex-wife hated cooking. I don\u2019t like cooking either, but I want to show my husband that this is my favorite activity. I want him to know that I am better!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Natalie consciously decided to stop being her real self out of fear to lose her \u201cadvantage\u201d in the imaginary competition with her predecessor who is not even aware of this rivalry.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Shaun recently got promoted to a managerial role. After studying the habits of the previous boss, he decided to follow the saying \u201cthere is a new sheriff in town\u201d and act completely differently — even in small matters, just to show his employees that \u201cthings are different now\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

These three examples have one thing in common: Andrew, Natalie, and Shaun are acting either \u201cfor\u201d or \u201cagainst\u201d the mythical image of the \u201cPerson Who Was There Before Me\u201d and neglect their desires and needs. They are simply incapable of recognizing them and because of this, they are not accessing the very powerful resource of their individuality.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What to do to avoid such a trap?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u25cb Stop competing with anyone: ghosts of the past, real people, idealized images \u2013 be yourself. All the roles are already taken, only the role of YOU is available.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u25cb Realize that you are unique, and you have your style, your vision, and your way of doing things. This is why you are valuable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u25cb Do not try to play by someone else\u2019s rules if you disagree with them. Do not allow others to manipulate you: \u201cBut Mr. Stevens used to\u2026\u201d or \u201cMrs. Dixit did not approve such practices.\u201d React calmly but firmly: \u201cI am now in charge, and my views are different.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u25cb Remember that the main \u201cjudge\u201d is usually in your mind, not in the minds of others. Stop this unproductive train of thought under the label \u201cwhat will they think about me?\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u25cb Stop using comparative notions such as \u201cbetter\u201d or \u201cworse\u201d. Try to replace them with the neutral \u201cdifferent\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is important to stretch the shoes that for now are a little uncomfortable to fit you, rather than to do a \u201csurgery\u201d on your feet to fill the shoes. It is impossible to take up someone else\u2019s place like it is impossible to fit a square peg into a round hole. Since you are here \u2013 it means that in this period of life this place is yours. And you need to try to make it cozy and comfortable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<\/br>

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Every one of us may find themselves in a situation when we are \u201creplacing\u201d someone. In reality, we are not replacing anybody, of course, but we perceive it this way. We get appointed to positions that previously were held by other people, or start relationships with people who used to love someone else before us,… Read More »Filling someone\u2019s shoes<\/span><\/a><\/p>","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":8832,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"neve_meta_sidebar":"","neve_meta_container":"","neve_meta_enable_content_width":"","neve_meta_content_width":0,"neve_meta_title_alignment":"","neve_meta_author_avatar":"","neve_post_elements_order":"","neve_meta_disable_header":"","neve_meta_disable_footer":"","neve_meta_disable_title":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[265,268,451,550,666,883,1188,1419],"class_list":["post-8834","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-eng","tag-comparison","tag-competition","tag-doubts","tag-fear","tag-honor","tag-mindspa","tag-respect","tag-thoughts"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mindspa-dev.ru\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8834","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mindspa-dev.ru\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mindspa-dev.ru\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mindspa-dev.ru\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mindspa-dev.ru\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=8834"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/mindspa-dev.ru\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8834\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mindspa-dev.ru\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/8832"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mindspa-dev.ru\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=8834"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mindspa-dev.ru\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=8834"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mindspa-dev.ru\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=8834"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}