{"id":10311,"date":"2022-02-09T11:34:22","date_gmt":"2022-02-09T11:34:22","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.mindspa.me\/?p=10311"},"modified":"2022-02-09T11:34:22","modified_gmt":"2022-02-09T11:34:22","slug":"my-loved-one-has-an-addiction-3","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mindspa-dev.ru\/es\/my-loved-one-has-an-addiction-3\/","title":{"rendered":"My loved one has an addiction. Is it my fault?"},"content":{"rendered":"
Mindspa is the #1 self-therapy app for your mental wellbeing. Safe, effective and easy to use!<\/b> Download it here<\/u><\/a><\/small><\/div>\n\n\n\n

A step-by-step guide for those who want to try to help. Part II<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Dependency never shows up alone\u2026 It brings along its close relative \u2013 codependency. Therefore, today, when looking for solutions to the problem, we are going to shift the focus from the person you are worried about onto\u2026 you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yes, we know that it is your loved one who is drinking (using drugs, gambling, doesn\u2019t take care of their health, works day and night, etc.). But the person who is enabling all that is always in the same coordinate system with the addict \u2013 not outside of it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Most likely, you have already tried all sorts of approaches. You probably have created a certain scenario in which there are different elements: an appeal to conscience, quarrels, ultimatums, guilt trips, tears, promises, broken promises, etc. Each new conversation proceeds according to the usual pattern with minor variations.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who starts these conversations is also inside the addiction scenario, not outside of it. You may feel that somehow you find yourself again and again in the same rut \u2013 and nothing changes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why is it so? You are trying very hard to change things!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In a broad sense, codependency is a pathological involvement in the life of another person. You may be completely focused on them and depend on their behavior and actions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A codependent person is in a relationship with people who have any kind of addiction. While trying to cope with the difficulties of a partner (daughter, son, brother, sister, parent), a person does not notice how ineffective behaviors (patterns) are being developed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In most cases, codependents take on the role of rescuers, trying to drag their loved ones out of the swamp, even against their will. There is a need to control the behavior of the loved one because the codependent is certain that \u201cOnly I can stop this\u201d…<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Codependents have a huge, inflated sense of guilt and duty. They feel responsible for other people, for their behaviors, successes, and failures. They often feel themselves in a sacrificial position (\u201cThis is my cross\u201d, \u201cI have to endure it\u201d, \u201cI will lay down my life to save him\/her\u201d) or in a rescue position (\u201cI must return him to normalcy!\u201d, \u201cMy task \u2013 is to get her out of this trap at any cost»).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You can test yourself for the degree of codependency with a few simple questions:<\/p>\n\n\n\n