{"id":366,"date":"2020-04-03T09:32:41","date_gmt":"2020-04-03T09:32:41","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.mindspa.me\/?p=366"},"modified":"2020-04-03T09:32:41","modified_gmt":"2020-04-03T09:32:41","slug":"in-sickness-and-in-health-how-to-survive-quarantine-together","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mindspa-dev.ru\/es\/in-sickness-and-in-health-how-to-survive-quarantine-together\/","title":{"rendered":"In sickness and in health: How to survive quarantine together"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"\"<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n\n\nThe Internet\u2019s flooded with the \u201cexpectation vs. reality\u201d memes about quarantining together. And with good reason. At first glance, what can be better than being \u201clocked up\u201d with the love of your life in the same premises? Finally, you have a lot of time together, see each other all the time, and yet\u2026 First of all, it\u2019s one thing to be in a solitary hut in the Maldives, and it\u2019s quite another to survive one of the biggest disturbances in history by hiding out behind the doors of your modest apartment. Second of all, not many couples able to calmly endure not getting a break from one another.

\n\nToday, we\u2019ll help you and your other half figure out the pitfalls of quarantining together.

\n\nThe first thing a couple who finds themselves in isolation encounters is adjustment. Therefore, it\u2019s extremely important to give yourself and your loved one some time to make sense of the new (albeit temporary) living conditions. Your everyday life is disrupted, and it\u2019ll take some time to get used to that.

\n\nFor those who\u2019ve worked at home before, it\u2019ll, of course, be a bit easier. But those accustomed to seeing each other \u201cin the morning, in the evening, at the weekend\u201d would need to adapt. That\u2019s normal. Give yourself and others the right to have different feelings.\n

\nWe are now in a situation of great stress and abrupt changes. And the emerging negative anxieties of various kinds are legitimate and valid.\n

\nBoth you and your partner can experience irritation, helplessness, anger, confusion, anxiety, exhaustion, and be frustrated. In addition, paradoxical as it may seem, the level of fatigue, despite sitting at home, can be much higher than during the periods when you both used to go out for work and errands. This is because stress and adjusting to it consume a gigantic amount of energy. So, if a loved one or yourself is like a squeezed orange by nighttime, although you\u2019ve only been moving between the kitchen and the bedroom, everything is OK, and it\u2019s what it should be like.\n

\nDon\u2019t berate yourself for complex and negative anxieties, don\u2019t try to suppress them and to urgently start thinking cheerfully. Positive thinking is cool and important, but only after you adjust.\n

\nTry to monitor your feelings, emotions, sensations. And fix them. You can do that only in your head, or in our diary. Awareness and saying one\u2019s experiences out loud are already half the battle. Even at this simplest stage, you can take a load off your shoulders in a way that\u2019s both environmentally sound and painless for your relationship.\n

\nDuring this period, it\u2019s extremely important to make use of the most famous phrase from the pre-flight safety briefing: first a mask on yourself, and only then… What are we talking about? We\u2019re talking about the fact that it\u2019s important for you to take responsibility for your own emotional state. That is, to work independently with your anxiety, frustration, and helplessness (exercises from the Psychosutra section and the Blanket course can help). By the way, the partner\u2019s responsibility for his state is his own. In this situation, hanging the anxieties of two persons on one is a very, very bad idea.\n

\nNo, this doesn\u2019t mean that you need to tell each other to get lost, together with their fears and painful thoughts. On the contrary, it\u2019s important to share and discuss them, but without the expectation that right now your other half will wave a magic wand and I will immediately be fixed, nor the \u201coh, he\u2019s feeling so bad, I\u2019ll go save him now\u201d.\n

\nDon’t blame each other for the way they\u2019re dealing with the crisis. Everyone has their own. For some, it\u2019s easier to post funny memes, and for others it\u2019s better to read scientific articles. If the partner doesn\u2019t create a dangerous situation (doesn\u2019t violate the quarantine, complies with the ordered and recommended precautions, doesn\u2019t panic and doesn\u2019t flood the whole house with buckwheat and toilet paper), let him express his fear as he pleases. And yes, you also have the same right.\n

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\nPhew! We hope that we cleared things up a bit about feelings and experiences, and therefore made it easier. Now let’s think about the safety of communication. What\u2019s it for? For not going mad, not driving the other half mad, and for taking care of the relationship.\n

\n\nLeave all the squabbles and lingering grievances for later<\/i><\/b>\n

\nNow is definitely not the time to raise them. Same with conversations about serious changes. In this situation of instability, uncertainty, and high levels of anxiety, it\u2019s a terrible idea to pull skeletons out of the closet.\n

\nWhy? Because your emotional profile is now in turmoil, is in the media space one way or another, and is subject to a stream of negativity related to global circumstances.\n

\n\nTake an internal timeout, mentally agree with the \u201csore point\u201d that you will definitely come back to it, definitely discuss it with your partner — but not right now. And give yourself some time (a deadline) — six months, three months. Until then, \u201cask\u201d this issue not to bother you. This is a difficult period, and it is important for you to take care of yourself.\n

\n\nDiscuss boundaries<\/i><\/b>\n

\nMoral ones, physical ones, division of labor.\nFor instance \u2013 this is my workspace during working time, and this is yours. This is my plan for the day, what\u2019s yours? I can do some chores around the house, which ones would you prefer to do?\nTry working as a team, with each partner having their own responsibilities and contribution.\n

\n\nShare your expectations<\/i><\/b>\n

\nThe most common cause of conflicts is inflated expectations. When you thought that you would spend all the quarantine days in bed having sex and watching TV shows, and he, it turns out, needs to work, and is generally not in the mood for anything, because he could be fired any day now. Discuss how each of you sees this period. What do you want? What do you not want at all? How would it be better? Which is easier? And, based on the wishes of each side, find the middle ground.\n\n

\nDon\u2019t chase an ideal picture<\/i><\/b>\n

\nThis is all very well and good of course: the birth rates are up, and we couldn\u2019t be more delighted. But to be honest, that\u2019s not very realistic. The best thing you can do is search for the options of forced coexistence that are comfortable FOR YOU.\n

\n\nPersonal time<\/i><\/b>\n

\nAnd personal space. A must-have for everyone. Try to integrate your hobbies and any pastimes both of you enjoy. Find a way to organize your own \u201cbolt hole\u201d where you can take a break and take a breath on your own.\n

\n\nShared time

<\/i><\/b>\nRelationships are a living organism. They need nutrition. Especially during a crisis when the usual boosts don\u2019t work.\n\n

\nWhat to do:\n

\n1. Try something new. For instance: watch films you wouldn’t normally see, play, collect, draw, compose, tinker, garden.\n

\n2. Hug, kiss, pet each other — tactile contact during the day is a must.\n

\n3. Show initiative. Don\u2019t wait for your other half to somehow shake up your reclusion.\n

\n4. Get to know one another. Open a list of philosophical questions and discuss them. How does each of you imagine the universe? What does eternal life mean for you and your partner — joy or punishment? What is the meaning of life and why it\u2019s necessary? What is each of you grateful for in this world? Is it true that everything has its price? Etc.\n

\n5. Plan. What would you like and do when the isolation is over?!\n

\n6. Support with nice words (\u201cAlthough this isn\u2019t easy, I\u2019m happy that I\u2019m with you!\u201d).\n

\nTake care, friends!","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The Internet\u2019s flooded with the \u201cexpectation vs. reality\u201d memes about quarantining together. And with good reason. At first glance, what can be better than being \u201clocked up\u201d with the love of your life in the same premises? Finally, you have a lot of time together, see each other all the time, and yet\u2026 First of… Leer m\u00e1s »In sickness and in health: How to survive quarantine together<\/span><\/a><\/p>","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":367,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"neve_meta_sidebar":"","neve_meta_container":"","neve_meta_enable_content_width":"","neve_meta_content_width":70,"neve_meta_title_alignment":"","neve_meta_author_avatar":"","neve_post_elements_order":"","neve_meta_disable_header":"","neve_meta_disable_footer":"","neve_meta_disable_title":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[325,332,339,801,803,883,1120,1122,1131,1373],"class_list":["post-366","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-mental-health","tag-coronavirus","tag-couple","tag-covid19","tag-livingtogether","tag-lockdown","tag-mindspa","tag-psychology","tag-psychosutra","tag-quarantine","tag-support"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mindspa-dev.ru\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/366","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mindspa-dev.ru\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mindspa-dev.ru\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mindspa-dev.ru\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mindspa-dev.ru\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=366"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/mindspa-dev.ru\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/366\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mindspa-dev.ru\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/367"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mindspa-dev.ru\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=366"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mindspa-dev.ru\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=366"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mindspa-dev.ru\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=366"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}