{"id":4668,"date":"2020-12-01T08:02:49","date_gmt":"2020-12-01T08:02:49","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.mindspa.me\/?p=4668"},"modified":"2020-12-01T08:02:49","modified_gmt":"2020-12-01T08:02:49","slug":"how-to-start-a-new-life-after-a-relationship-with-an-abuser","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mindspa-dev.ru\/es\/how-to-start-a-new-life-after-a-relationship-with-an-abuser\/","title":{"rendered":"How to start a new life after a relationship with an abuser"},"content":{"rendered":"
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You are free. You did your best to get out of an exhausting, traumatic, painful relationship and are now listening carefully to herself, trying to understand how you feel, aren\u2019t you?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Joy? No, sadly. More like, emptiness.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Relief? Also unlikely at this stage. More fear of the unknown.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hope for changes? You still have to allow it to reveal itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Unfortunately, after experiencing a prolonged colossal emotional pressure, physical and \/ or emotional abuse and neglect, it\u2019s impossible to immediately get \u201cin shape\u201d. Imagine that you woke up after a very difficult surgery, the anesthesia has just faded, every cell of your body is in pain. After all, surgery is also a trauma to the body and now it needs to recover.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The most frequent friends of the first stage after the \u201cfreedom\u201d comes are anxiety, confusion and emptiness. Don\u2019t be alarmed, it should be so.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After an abusive relationship, you need to restore yourself, rebuild yourself in order to stop feeling like an amorphous blot, and build up new internal support beams.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That is why today, we\u2019re going to create a new map of your inner world, together. The key word here is Yours, separate, independent. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Until this moment, when you were in a relationship with an abuser, you probably didn\u2019t have anything \u201cyours\u201d. Everything was his or \u201cours\u201d. It\u2019s unlikely that you\u2019ve had a right to your own feelings, thoughts, desires — everything was strictly regulated and subject to harsh criticism. That\u2019s why it\u2019s hard for you to trust yourself right now. The feeling that you think and feel \u201cwrong\u201d, want the wrong things, act in the wrong way has been rooted too deeply inside you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The first stage is the physical and psychological separation (and distancing) from a person.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You might have very different internal reactions at this stage.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Natalie said that in the first weeks after she left Alec, it seemed to her that she herself literally couldn\u2019t make any decisions: what to wear to work, what to cook for dinner, what to do in her free time. All of this was previously dictated to her by Alec. Natalia had a great desire to \u201cstick\u201d to someone else, for example, to her mother, it was very uncomfortable to be \u201cseparate\u201d. And Sasha told about the opposite sensation: after a hard separation from Max, she caught herself realizing that she accepted any words from another person \u201cwith hostility\u201d, the most innocent phrases seemed an encroachment on her personal space, which she would no longer allow.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, what\u2019s going to be on this new map? What important points, signs, states?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Body Bay<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The return of the sensation of your body to yourself, of its right to exist, sometimes arises suddenly. As if this item on the «map» were completely absent, and now \u2013 completely out of the blue! \u2013 showed up.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This is very explainable. Being in an unhealthy relationship, you will inevitably be traumatized, and you may lose the ability to feel your own physical boundaries due to disengagement with your own body. This is reflected in other areas of life — for<\/p>\n\n\n\n

example, difficulties arise in establishing boundaries in interpersonal relationships, because there\u2019s no way to establish any reasonable restrictions if you don\u2019t feel the limits of your being.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In this zone, it is important to carry out destigmatization works (that\u2019s normalization of yourself and your body. And no, nothing needs to be improved. You are ALREADY normal), because you need to pass a new idea through the body, which we will designate as: \u201cI am normal\u201d, and not a \u201cMoron\u201d, \u201cScrewed in the head\u201d, \u201cIdiot\u201d,\u201c Bitch\u201d, \u201cNuts\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This is how you can help yourself become aware of your body boundaries:<\/p>\n\n\n\n