{"id":5638,"date":"2021-05-05T08:49:56","date_gmt":"2021-05-05T08:49:56","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.mindspa.me\/?p=5638"},"modified":"2021-05-05T08:49:56","modified_gmt":"2021-05-05T08:49:56","slug":"letters-from-readers-is-my-man-a-gaslighter","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mindspa-dev.ru\/es\/letters-from-readers-is-my-man-a-gaslighter\/","title":{"rendered":"Letters from readers: Is my man a gaslighter?"},"content":{"rendered":"
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«Hello! <\/strong>I’m writing on the subject of gaslighting. After reading your articles about it, I realized that it exists in my life too.\u00a0 My man often says things like «you think wrong», «don’t you think you’re overreacting?», «everything is so complicated with you»…\u00a0 He often denies ever saying things, «I didn’t say that» or «you misunderstood», when I remember word for word what was said\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here’s one situation as an example:<\/strong> we agreed after work that we would meet at the mall.\u00a0 When I got on the tram, I texted him saying that I would get to a specific stop and then walk from there, so that he could roughly estimate how long it would take me to get there.\u00a0 While I was on the tram, I realized that if I got off at a closer bus stop, my walking distance would actually be closer.\u00a0 Eventually, when I approached the mall, he called me and said that he had come to the stop where I had originally planned to go.\u00a0 And then it ended up being my fault that we missed each other. I even sent him a screenshot on WhatsApp, where it indicated clear as day where we\u2019d be meeting up, to which he replied «and?» And then he said that he wasn’t really ever sure where I was or who I was with, and that maybe I was seeing someone else before coming to him…<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Anyway, in any situation, it all boils down to being my fault.  Even when I need to be home for a couple of days, the first question he asks when I meet him is, «where did you vanish off to?» And then he starts threatening me, saying, «keep it up and I won’t marry you,» «I\u2019ll find myself someone who doesn\u2019t go missing.» It sort of sounds like a joke, but every joke has its own sliver of truth. And I get upset hearing this. I don\u2019t say that kind of stuff to him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yesterday, I asked him if he knew what gaslighting was. No. I explained it to him. In return he said, \u201cYou mean you think that’s how I act? Don’t you think that\u2019s all in your head?»<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And I’m starting to think that maybe the fault really is in me. I always «accept» all the guilt he puts on me. Of course, after your course, I started to see it, but so far it’s like I\u2019m looking in from the outside… I kind of understand deep inside that my feelings of guilt are inappropriate, but at the same time the physical sensations persist \u2014 my heart pounds, my hands get cold, tears well up, and it feels like a bag of potatoes is weighing my neck down…<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Question: If a person does not realize (or doesn\u2019t admit) that he or she engaging in gaslighting, how does one counteract it?\u00a0 Are these types of relationship doomed? Thank you!»<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hi, E.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n