{"id":5942,"date":"2021-07-19T09:00:25","date_gmt":"2021-07-19T09:00:25","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.mindspa.me\/?p=5942"},"modified":"2021-07-19T09:00:25","modified_gmt":"2021-07-19T09:00:25","slug":"perfectionism-what-is-it","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mindspa-dev.ru\/es\/perfectionism-what-is-it\/","title":{"rendered":"Perfectionism. What is it?"},"content":{"rendered":"
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\u201d Yes, I like it when everything is flawless — so what? How could it be otherwise? If everyone will do a so-so job \u2013 what then? You should always bring your task to perfection.\u201d- passionately said Tabitha. \u201cMy father always used to say \u201cIf you can\u2019t do it well do not do it at all!\u201d He always wore impeccably ironed pants and shirts (terrorized my Mom about it). His mustache was immaculately groomed \u2013 not a hair out of place! And what kind of designs he created \u2013 he would re-do them over and over again \u2013 to make sure everything is right. He would beat me if even one word in my notebook was not aligned properly. And I think he was right! Look at me \u2013 now I am\u2026 a professional with a capital P. You can\u2019t find a single flaw in my work \u2013 everyone knows it! As for my Dad\u2026 He died from a heart attack at the age of 45. Got tired of improving the world.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Perfectionism<\/strong> is <\/strong>a character trait that stems from the desire to reach a flawless ideal. It is an internal need to bring the results of any task to the highest standards not achievable by other people.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why is this a so-so strategy? Because reality gets replaced by a mythical unattainable ideal and the joy of life gets deprioritized. Life as a whole turns into a race for non-existent \u201cperfection\u201d. You can keep chasing it forever, but it is impossible to catch this ghost because \u201cperfection\u201d is an illusion. Even the Sun has spots \u2013 we know it from credible sources.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we chase the ideal, we remain\u2026 in place. Since if a person doesn\u2019t have an ideal environment, they are not going to do anything at all \u2013 why bother?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIf only I had the right education\u2026\u201d, \u201cif only I earned twice as much money\u2026\u201d, \u201cif only my partner\u2026\u201d \u2013 all these \u201cif only\u201d are stop signals that include disappointment in your abilities.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mariana was competing in a well-known cooking show. She liked cooking and was selected to be on the show from many candidates. Mariana truly knows how to cook well and presents the food beautifully. But\u2026 only when she has plenty of time. When she is short on time, she loses it and cannot submit a single dish to the judges. She keeps redoing it and redoing it. While olives are not perfectly arranged with respect to a slice of a cucumber and the composition on the plate still has room for improvement \u2013 she is not able to move on. She will be rearranging, and rearranging, and rearranging\u2026 Meanwhile, time is running out. But the real crisis happened when Mariana was appointed as a captain of the team. She was responsible for the team\u2019s outcome. Everyone\u2019s work was stalled because she could not allow anyone to show initiative. She was redoing every dish after every single person. Her team lost miserably and her relationships with her teammates got tense.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Perfectionism<\/strong> manifests <\/strong>itself as excessively high standards and attention to detail, and constant dissatisfaction with the results. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yes, that\u2019s right \u2013 an attempt to make a perfectionist happy with results is doomed for failure. It is as if inside of them, there is an anxious eternally disgruntled person holding a measuring scale, where 100% result means just\u2026 \u201cok\u201d, and the mark \u201cperfect\u201d is far off the scale. This person measures everything on the scale and raises his eyebrow \u2013 \u201cWhat\u2019s that? You can do better! This is good for nothing\u2026\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

In other words, the values of a perfectionist are so distorted that their bar is set extremely high. It is impossible to reach it by definition.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The problem is that the person doesn\u2019t realize this. They view the absence of the desired outcome as a result of their own mistakes, not trying hard enough, not being motivated enough, not having enough skills \u2013 in other words, all they see is \u201cnot enough\u201d. \u2639<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No wonder that under these circumstances perfectionists frequently seek the help of psychologists. The only thing is\u2026 that they complain about being not effective enough, trying not hard enough. They ask how they can make themselves to do \u201cbetter\u201d \u2013 and usually, they don\u2019t consider options that involve a \u201ccarrot\u201d. Only a \u201cstick\u201d! Only hardcore! Otherwise, they will not be able to achieve anything!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Harry is always composed, serious, and productive. His schedule is packed: workouts (his body should be in an ideal form), work (you can\u2019t relax, you must perform), working on his motivation (books, planning, defining goals). The time he spends sleeping is a waste \u2013 he could have done so much instead! His physician referred him to a psychologist: he had many symptoms but no underlying illness. Turned out that Harry was depressed and exhausted. He felt like he is running in circles but achieving nothing. And the less he achieves the more he deprives himself of sleep and rest. That\u2019s the result of striving for perfection.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The fact that perfectionists often experience depression and anxiety is no surprise. It is very hard to live with the realization that you don\u2019t satisfy your standards\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We want to suggest that you try to determine if you are susceptible to this toxic \u201cdisease\u201d. <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n