{"id":5948,"date":"2021-07-18T08:38:06","date_gmt":"2021-07-18T08:38:06","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.mindspa.me\/?p=5948"},"modified":"2021-07-18T08:38:06","modified_gmt":"2021-07-18T08:38:06","slug":"perfectionism-doctor-how-did-i-get-this","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mindspa-dev.ru\/es\/perfectionism-doctor-how-did-i-get-this\/","title":{"rendered":"Perfectionism. Doctor, how did I get this?"},"content":{"rendered":"<div class=\"wp-block-image\"><figure class=\"alignleft size-large is-resized\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/mindspa-dev.ru\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/dottore-221.jpg\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-5950\" width=\"201\" height=\"134\" srcset=\"https:\/\/mindspa-dev.ru\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/dottore-221.jpg 900w, https:\/\/mindspa-dev.ru\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/dottore-221-600x400.jpg 600w, https:\/\/mindspa-dev.ru\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/dottore-221-64x43.jpg 64w, https:\/\/mindspa-dev.ru\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/dottore-221-300x200.jpg 300w, https:\/\/mindspa-dev.ru\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/dottore-221-768x512.jpg 768w, https:\/\/mindspa-dev.ru\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/dottore-221-18x12.jpg 18w, https:\/\/mindspa-dev.ru\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/dottore-221-500x333.jpg 500w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 201px) 100vw, 201px\" \/><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>So, you realized that you have \u201cit\u201d \u2013 turns out that perfectionism has grown inside of you as invasive species and propagated its sprouts into all the important areas of your life: work, relationships, and even hobbies. As a rule, it acts exactly like this \u2013 it starts in one area and begins spreading like weeds. But who planted the initial seed? Where did it come from?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Clearly, it comes from the place where all our psychological traits come from \u2013 from childhood. We know that this answer is a clich\u00e9, but what can do\u2026 All dysfunctional personal traits are formed under the influence of one\u2019s family. Parents and other caregivers are the most important people in a child\u2019s life. Their influence is unquestionable and undeniable. Every baby views her parents as Gods: there are flawless, always just, and always right. Therefore, any casually thrown word settles in her memory and stays there until \u201cits time comes\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>Natalie came to the daycare to pick up her 4-year old daughter. Another little girl came over and stared with interest at Natalie. \u201cWho are you?\u201d \u2013 curiously asked the little girl. \u201cI am Natalie, Angela\u2019s mother. And who are you?\u201d \u2013 asked Natalie with a smile. \u201cI am a slob\u201d \u2013 the girl introduced herself.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>We know that what she said was not her own thoughts, but the opinion of her parents that she absorbed. And notice how strongly it sounds \u2013 it is not just a word; it is a NAME! This is how beliefs that we acquire in childhood work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>What specifically can lead to perfectionism:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>Strict rules within the family<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cYou cannot leave the table before you finish your soup\u201d, \u201cYou can\u2019t go play until you clean up your room and put everything in perfect order\u201d. When parents demand flawlessness and the ideal outcome of any task, regardless of what a child wants, it is very likely that the child will grow up a perfectionist.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>When parents are focused on success and achievements<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>Yes, it\u2019s true! Here, parents proclaim that the child needs to be an A-student, a champion at sports, and a winner of competitions. Achieve, achieve, achieve! No matter what you want, what you dream about \u2013 you must be the best! The child will likely become an over-achiever\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>One well-known news anchor was proudly describing the achievements of her daughter \u2013 that she had excellent grades and always strived to be the best, the first. She mentioned, that no matter what grade her daughter would get, she would always tell her: \u201cYou can do better!\u201d. And thus, the daughter was motivated to strive to achieve the best results.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Can you imagine a child who is never able to attain complete and unconditional acceptance of her success? No matter what she achieves, they always tell her that \u201cyou can do better, you must try harder\u201d. It is like making a donkey run after a carrot hanging in front of him \u2013 motivation in the form of an unattainable prize.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>Excessive demands and expectations of the parents<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>Neurotic desire to be perfect and inability to be satisfied with yourself may be formed as a result of frequent criticism and absence of parental support and love.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>\u201cYou got a B? Why not an A?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>\u201cJust the third place in the competition? I told you that if you don\u2019t try harder you will get nowhere!\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>Emulating parental strategies<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>If either of the parents is a perfectionist, the child will likely \u201cinherit\u201d this trait. Children often copy their parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>Lillian was anxious and obedient. Every evening she would put the clothing of her three children on the chairs in the order that they would be putting it on, she would fill their lunchboxes with the same food and add sauce to the rice in the same corner. Her older daughter Nayomi started doing the same thing when she moved out of the parents\u2019 house. She acted like her mother.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>Dysfunctions within the family: <em>\u201cI will not love you unless\u2026\u201d<\/em><\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>The parents of perfectionist children often put enormous pressure on them. They impose a strategy for avoiding failures and present it as an axiom.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>\u201cIf you are not the best &#8212; nobody will need you!\u201d \u2013 a father says irritably to his 7-year-old son after the first martial arts lesson.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>\u201cIrene \u2013 try not to forget! Put everything in your backpack, then take it out and review everything one more time. Make sure that you took everything you need and that it is packed well and properly. If you forget something \u2013 it will be a big inconvenience\u201d.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>When a child makes a minor mistake and doesn\u2019t achieve 100% success, the parents express their disapproval and show rejection (<em>\u201cgo and think about what happened\u201d). <\/em>They continue doing it until the child achieves success. To be the best, to achieve results \u2013 this becomes the only way to earn the parents\u2019 love, and in the future, love in general. A perfectionist is not worthy even of their own love if they didn\u2019t get a \u201cgold star\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>When a child receives love only when they do something and do it perfectly, the child quickly understands how things work. The \u201clove\u201d they get depends upon many requirements and they deserve acceptance only if certain conditions are met.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>Kathy told us during a therapy session: \u201cOnly at the age of 34, I learned that I don\u2019t have to handwash the apartment floor to be loved (this was my Mom\u2019s pet peeve) \u2013 that someone can love me just because. I couldn\u2019t believe it for four years.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>If a child receives love based upon achievements, when they grow up they will try to be perfect to accept themselves. Achievements and super-human efforts allow them to form their self-image. They think that only accomplishments make them valuable to other people.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>Saul would devalue everything if the result didn\u2019t cost him a lot of effort. He was very talented and could accomplish many things easily. But he was able to appreciate only things that were difficult to get. And even that didn\u2019t last long. Everything else seemed to him insignificant.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Perfectionism can take on many forms. In general, this trait applies to all areas of life. But there are some areas that, as a rule, become dominant:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Self-perfectionism. <\/strong>A person has very high standards for themselves. They always evaluate themselves, monitor their speech and actions. Their desire to be perfect is their main motivation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Social perfectionism. <\/strong>It is similar to the previous type and often is closely related to it. A person feels a need to meet the expectations of other people and to get their approval and praise. <em>\u201cIf others don\u2019t approve of me, I will fall into despair because it means that I am nothing\u2026\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>You-perfectionism. <\/strong>A person has very high standards for other people. They often use the phrases <em>\u201cThey should\u201d, \u201cIt\u2019s their job!\u201d<\/em> A person who has this type of perfectionism has a lot of beliefs and expectations from other people: \u201c<em>they must be perfect and never make mistakes, and I will be judging their performance<\/em>\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>General perfectionism. <\/strong>At the basis of this type of perfectionism lies a conviction that everything in this world should be correct, fair, and orderly. Everything that doesn\u2019t meet these criteria is rejected.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>That\u2019s the general picture\u2026 Over-achievement becomes the main goal. It is impossible to enjoy life while holding such worldviews. And meanwhile, life is passing by\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>So what can you do? We will learn in the next article\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n<div align=\"center\">\n<div class=\"alt-notice\" align=\"center\"><b><font color=\"white\">UNLOCKING MENTAL WELLBEING<\/font><\/b><\/p>\n<p>Self-therapy can be an essential tool for personal growth and self-improvement.<br \/>Browse through our <a href=\"https:\/\/mindspa-dev.ru\/es\/courses\/\" rel=\"noopener\"><u>courses<\/u><\/a> and see the positive changes they can bring to your life.<\/p>\n<p>You are not sure where to begin?<\/p>\n<div align=\"center\">\n<p class=\"product woocommerce add_to_cart_inline example-cart-button\" style=\"border: 0px;\"><a class=\"button product_type_simple add_to_cart_button ajax_add_to_cart\" href=\"https:\/\/mindspa-dev.ru\/en\/psy-tests\/\" rel=\"nofollow\">TAKE A FREE TEST<\/a><\/p>\n<p class=\"buttons\" style=\"border: 0px;\"><a class=\"button product_type_simple add_to_cart_button ajax_add_to_cart\" href=\"https:\/\/mindspa.typeform.com\/to\/za9nGe8T\" rel=\"nofollow\"><small><u>or get a free consultation<\/u><\/small><\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<p><\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>So, you realized that you have \u201cit\u201d \u2013 turns out that perfectionism has grown inside of you as invasive species and propagated its sprouts into all the important areas of your life: work, relationships, and even hobbies. As a rule, it acts exactly like this \u2013 it starts in one area and begins spreading like&hellip;&nbsp;<a href=\"https:\/\/mindspa-dev.ru\/es\/perfectionism-doctor-how-did-i-get-this\/\" class=\"\" rel=\"bookmark\">Leer m\u00e1s &raquo;<span class=\"screen-reader-text\">Perfectionism. Doctor, how did I get this?<\/span><\/a><\/p>","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":5950,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"neve_meta_sidebar":"","neve_meta_container":"","neve_meta_enable_content_width":"","neve_meta_content_width":0,"neve_meta_title_alignment":"","neve_meta_author_avatar":"","neve_post_elements_order":"","neve_meta_disable_header":"","neve_meta_disable_footer":"","neve_meta_disable_title":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[2,5],"tags":[102,862,883,929,1023,1118,1144,1522],"class_list":["post-5948","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-eng","category-mental-health","tag-anxiety","tag-mental-health","tag-mindspa","tag-nervous","tag-perfection","tag-psychologist","tag-readers","tag-welfare"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mindspa-dev.ru\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5948","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mindspa-dev.ru\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mindspa-dev.ru\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mindspa-dev.ru\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mindspa-dev.ru\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5948"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/mindspa-dev.ru\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5948\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mindspa-dev.ru\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/5950"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mindspa-dev.ru\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5948"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mindspa-dev.ru\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5948"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mindspa-dev.ru\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5948"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}