{"id":5407,"date":"2021-03-26T19:20:32","date_gmt":"2021-03-26T19:20:32","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.mindspa.me\/?p=5407"},"modified":"2021-03-26T19:20:32","modified_gmt":"2021-03-26T19:20:32","slug":"betrayal-before-marriage","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mindspa-dev.ru\/it\/betrayal-before-marriage\/","title":{"rendered":"Betrayal before marriage"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Good afternoon!<\/strong> I\u2019ve been dating a guy for 1.5 years, we live together, we were supposed to get married next month. A week ago I found out that he cheated on me (the woman forwarded screenshots of texts and gave a brief overview of what had occurred). I suppose I\u2019m still in shock<\/strong>\u2026 everything was great with us, practically a perfect relationship, I\u2019ve always felt his love, the sex was great, and there was plenty of trust in the relationship.

Dear A. <\/strong>For privacy reasons, I\u2019ll be shortening your name.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

First of all, I\u2019m very sorry that you got this information dumped on you before your wedding. It\u2019s painful, it\u2019s sad and it really is shocking. I understand your feelings, they\u2019re perfectly adequate and valid, and I\u2019m really sad that you have to experience them.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Since we\u2019ve started from a shock<\/strong>, I recommend using our \u201cFirst aid<\/strong>\u201d section in such heavy emotional states. It helps you stabilize.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019ll be commenting your message right as I go along the letter text.\u201d<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I knew that he had cheated in his previous relationship, we talked about it a lot, discussed everything, he had a very reasonable line of thought and said that he\u2019d understood a lot.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cMany people would say here that you knew what you were going into, and what else were you expecting? But. Indeed, it happens that after cheating in a relationship, we enter into the next one already having realized that we shouldn\u2019t do that, and begin to search for new strategies. I guess your boyfriend was really convincing. And, by the way, it\u2019s possible, even very likely, that at the time of your conversation, he really had believed what he was saying.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Now, I just don\u2019t understand what to do,<\/strong> I\u2019m really hurting, not really eating or sleeping, just picturing these scenes and crying\u2026 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIn order to understand what to do, you first need to figure out what you want to achieve as a result. That\u2019s not possible to do in the state you\u2019re describing. You\u2019re in deep shock and it seems that you\u2019re very stressed, judging by your symptoms.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

As I\u2019ve already told you, you should be using the \u201cFirst aid\u201d section. And start stabilizing your moral state through your body as well. Make it a rule to do breathing exercises 3-4 times a day and try any exercise for corporeal relaxation, also 2-3 times a day at this stage.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

He\u2019s begging for forgiveness, saying he was drunk and had no idea what he was doing, swearing that it won\u2019t happen again, he cried, wanted to throw himself out of the window after realizing that he could lose me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThese are very, very bad signs. First of all, what kind of parties lead to a brain completely switching off? If a person gets so drunk they\u2019re not responsible for their actions, this type of partner is highly unreliable.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Second of all, manipulation by suicide. This is abuse. Yes, it doesn\u2019t look like it at first glance, but it\u2019s actually blackmail and is therefore an act of aggression.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

All of that, combined with his tendency to cheat which hasn\u2019t gone anywhere, gives a pretty bleak picture of a potential husband.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

All I feel is dull, non-stop pain, anger, sadness, but I still love him.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThat\u2019s OK. It\u2019s rare that we stop loving someone in a day, even if something horrible and unacceptable like this happens.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I can\u2019t forgive him, <\/strong>I can\u2019t imagine living with him, trusting him, allowing him to go on business trips without thinking that he might cheat on me again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cTo be frank, I haven\u2019t really figured out yet what he\u2019s done to get you to forgive him except blackmailing you with suicide and using alcohol as an excuse.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

OK, A., I have a theory about why you\u2019re hurting so much.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, he\u2019s saying \u201cforgive me<\/strong>, I\u2019m sorry<\/strong>\u201d, and all that. But. He hasn\u2019t admitted responsibility. He\u2019s saying that \u201che doesn\u2019t understand how it happened<\/strong>\u201d, that alcohol is to blame, etc. How can you trust a person who\u2019s not responsible for their actions? Correct, you can\u2019t.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

On the other hand, I don\u2019t want to lose him, I feel he\u2019s \u201cmy person<\/strong>\u201d and he\u2019s really realized everything this time and won\u2019t do it again\u2026 is that possible?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI think that you should carefully consider the idea of \u201cyour person<\/strong>\u201d.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n